Love serving God. Actually I can’t imagine living life without pursuing a ever closer relationship with Christ. He is the reason I have peace and joy.
That being said, there is another somewhat more frustrating aspect of walking God’s path … you have so far to go. Recently, I have had that ugly monster in my life rise again. Pride. It has always been a part of who I am, and it is serious sin. I thought that it was not an issue, even told some people that I thought my motives were right, but in the end, actions recently reflect that I had prideful motives.
I need to face it, I will never “win” the war on pride. I will always have to slow down, and not act on my first inclination. EVERY TIME I act out initially, I come to regret it. It is just not the smartest thing to do, usually. There is nothing wrong with bringing God in on the scene, waiting, talking it over with Tam, and getting a night’s rest before really acting.
Coach told me that after a night’s sleep, things are never as bad as they seemed, and not as good that seemed. In other words, rest levels out the emotions. And when the emotions are leveled, you are more in tune with the Spirit. YOU don’t get in the way.
I hate pride. I hate who it changes me to be, and I do not want any part of that person. I have to accept that it is something I struggle with. It sneaks up, not like other issues in my life. Pride is something that masks itself as “doing the right thing”, or “acting in a Christlike manner”. It is a sneaky beast. Only after some time passes do I realize that I was even acting out of a prideful manner.
This walk with God I have decided to take is easily the most enriching thing I have ever encountered. Enriching is a good word. It causes me to really live life, not just exist and be another number in the herd. I am more challenged than ever before to make God more a part of who I am, and who others see. I am challenged to pursue His Presence in every part of my day. That alone is a tough call. It takes putting myself beneath His Presence.
I am making progress, but the more progress I make, the more I realize how far I have to go. That realization does not depress or fatigue me. It challenges me because I see what God has done in my life and heart to date, and if I have so far to go, then there is so much more He can change me. I love walking on God’s path! The alternative is nothing that tempts me.
Almost daily I get a sense of not being able to wrap my mind around exactly who God is. He is above words, above understanding, above grasping His incredible completeness. That is the God I serve, He is worthy of my devotion.